Heaven on the other side…

The sun is down. It’s dark and in my world that means dark thoughts. Those are my . Dark music, relaxing or serious, dark lyrics, dark ideas, dark movies. The truth is this way sometimes. We live in both conditions equally, for the celestial objects are round, and though we orbit in an elliptical pattern, there is quite possibly an equal amount of both.
Sometimes we know something is going to happen before it does. I learn new things each day, that while not proven, are true enough that I cannot look at life the same way anymore. My pursuits in life were always strongly resisted by people who simply had the capability to do that. I’m left to struggle in the face of it, and continue, as hellish as it is. Whether I chose this path or it chose me remains to be seen. It has affected me profoundly in ways that would take hours to describe. Let alone the open mind to listen to it, as that is a rarity.

Now the time has come for those which I looked up to the most to turn on me. The system is built this way, and I recognized it years in advance. They said that this pursuit would be difficult, but never why. Nevertheless I am compelled forward, not only for the accomplishment, but to counteract the divisions in this society that have led to my poverty of life, love and happiness. I must remember that suffering is what I must expect and when doing that realize that it is the price I pay for going against the rules laid out for me.


I’ve been searching on Bing’s video search engine, trying to find things that interest me. I’ve had some degree of success. I watched one on multiplexing, which is as complicated, I suppose, as you want it to be. The video was a show called hak5, which I have seen before – something about how to intercept data packets with wireshark and retrieve things like passwords. I think the title could be “How to spend the next ten years in jail for a stupid crime.” It’s not like I’m interested in learning people’s secrets. 

I spent last night learning about transistors as well, when they’re in collector feedback bias, which basically means that the collector feeds back into the base. I don’t know why this is important, but it inevitably will be. Unfortunately my textbook and other resources I find are much more focused on mathematics than practical applications, and that leaves me at a loss. 

There was of course the JFET transistor video I watched, which was very interesting. Essentially, the p gates can squeeze of current from the source to the drain and acts as a sort of current regulator. The whole thing makes my mind run wild with concepts of artificial neural networks, that no doubt are all around us, essentially mimicking the all or nothing response of a neural network. I guess the whole process of watching videos speeds up the learning process. I just use the book as a follow up and guide for where to go. It’s more information, and that’s a good thing.


The machine learning videos of course got out of my hands quite quickly with its big o notation. I doubt it’s so confusing in context, but I have to seek the right kind of explanation. What’s I do get is that O sub n indicates functions that grow with number of inputs, while O sub 1 doesn’t. The context in C++ helped me figure that out. Unfortunately, from the technical side of things, that’s all I could say I learned, but was fascinated to hear my writing input for Mandarin was done with machine learning, as well as other things like robot movement and self driving cars.

The sun is of course shining and I should probably enjoy it. They say that sunlight substance has vitamin D. I don’t know, but I usually feel better after getting out. There’s a nice trail and I should probably take pictures and post them here. It might liven up the blog.

Until next time. 🙂

These past few weeks

It has been a rough few weeks lately. I dip into these depressions from time to time. Headaches, drowsiness, etc. I should have seen this coming. There were bound to be consequences for my enthusiasm, but I cannot become discouraged. I’ve found purpose in my life, and that is something.

Technology sums up the past few months of my life. To paraphrase a quote I once heard, never has technology been so important to humanity as it is today, but simultaneously, never have people been so ignorant of it. I have decided that I no longer wish to be ignorant of it in any form so I have set out to learn about it in any way I can.

At the community college nearby, there are degrees in BIS, business information systems, one for mobile development and one more for desktop development. There is also a programming languages degree and various others. They all look very interesting, but also all very basic in comparison to what I wish to understand and do, so ultimately I see it as a stepping stone to a better degree. Since I can only afford one class at a time, I’m guessing I should take The C++ introductory course.

I don’t merely want to learn how to design software. I’ve been stocking up on books from Half Price Books on different subjects. It’s exciting, but can be tedious to read. I’ll snap a photo.

Yes, but the subject that really interests me and I can’t find is machine learning. I’ve been fascinated by the concept of spontaneous program and image/video creation using algorithms and data that can recognize something, so for instance, image.google.com recognizes an image of elephants, but can an algorithm recognize a program that is useful out of exhaustively generated machine code? Can I generate all coding possibilities and then use an algorithm to find a word processor in the mess? Of course the image recognition algorithm has data to draw on to formulate a sort of average of what an elephant is. Namely, pictures of elephants labeled by people as elephants. This is called supervised machine learning. Now, why not source forge for that data? It appears entirely possible, so perhaps it is implemented already.

Other than that, I’ve been spending a lot of time watching anime. Outlaw Star and Black Lagoon. Outlaw Star is quite old, but it was my first time seeing it. It was inspiring, as science fiction usually is to me. It made me think of all the possibilities out there in space as well as on earth that would go into creating that universe. I felt like with enough know how, I could build my own ship, with the help of a crew and experience the other 99 point 9 repeated percent of existence. Inspiring.